Adventurous & Fat!!! Doesn’t really make sense, Does it?
Okay okay, thanks for encouraging me and for never letting me down, I know you all love me, never wanted to hurt me, always liked me as chubby as I am, but I’m fat and I know it.
I have been trying to persuade myself for too long that I like the way I look, it doesn’t matter because i am still curvy. I see fatter people and i say thank God i am not like them, but never thought that some people might say thank God I’m not her.
How many times have I been asked how much do I weight and i refused to answer that one, how many times have i wanted to try activities but was petrified to look fat silly or the people there would tell me sorry your weight doesn’t match this activity’s requirements, how many times were we all squeezed in a car and it was impossible to sit on someone’s lap or to be squeezed like others because I take too much space or because I am quite heavy, how many times have I went to do shopping and the shopping lady told me “No, we don’t have your size”, how many times did I go to the fitting room only hoping that the item I chose would fit, only to not feel fat, how many times did I convince myself that it’s ok at least I don’t buy clothes from Ulla Popken, how many times did I buy a pair of trousers that I don’t really like only for the sake that they fit and I never know when and where could I find something that would fit more, how many times did I go to shops adored some clothes but couldn’t find my size, how many times did I cuddle my purse or a pillow in order to hide my fat belly, how many times was I on the beach with my swimsuit hoping to not be seen or noticed by anyone, how many times bla bla blaaa.
This damn fatness has been keeping me from enjoying lots of things in life. But this will VERY soon come to an end since I am following a very strict diet and I go to the gym every other day. I have been following this program for 2 months now, thank God I have lost a fine number of pounds as well as a considerable number of inches from my shoulders and waist, but still have some more pounds and inches to lose and need to be more fit.
It’s about time to wear what I want, eat what I am craving without a feeling of guilt, to be ready & fit for all activities that I’ve been dying to do, it really kills me when I really feel like doing something but I can’t because I’m fat & not fit, I have been wanting to climb mount Kilimanjaro for two years but I won’t be able to do it without losing those extra pounds.
I have tried so many times to lose weight before, it was always in vain. But now there is a power inside me that tells me “Do it, Do it”.
I remember my first day at the gym, the first thing I told the trainer is that “I back down easily, get bored & most importantly hate running, can barely handle a 1 minute run as I suffer from flat-foot & I easily lose my breath”. Today, after 2 months of intense training & diet I managed to run for 10 minutes. The gym even wants to put my photos on the wall of fame within the photos of people who succeeded to lose weight, be fit and look different in a 12 weeks time frame. Quite Impressive, isn’t it???
I have at this point of time, the program is driving me out of my mind, since I have stubborn parts of my body that do not comply with all the workout and diet done. Accordingly, my diet program is becoming more strict and the training at the gym is more tiring. I have mixed up feelings; between thriving to become fit, to gain self confidence, to become the person that I have always dreamed to be or to lose my patience, eat what I want and put an end to all this suffering…
But HELL NOOOO, how can I give up now after being told by everyone that I lost so much weight? how can I give up now after I feel more confident and getting closer to all what I have always wished for? how can I give up now by eating more unhealthy food and follow terrible habits that made me fat in the first place. Yes it’s the HardEST Part of the “Do or Die” Challenge, but deep down I know that it will change my life DRASTICALLY. I hope things go MY WAY.